Does anybody have a compass?
Have you ever been on a long, familiar journey, knowing there is more than one way to get home? I have. My trip to SC to see my family is exactly like that. There are about a dozen ways I can go. I usually go up one way and back another, just to keep the trip interesting. However, sometimes I'm undecided as to which back road I'm going to choose until I get right there at it. I have even had times where I was undecided until the very last second, and didn't make the decision until I was almost past the literal fork in the road.
Life is like that. God gives us so many choices about our lives. Sometimes His direction is very clear, and sometimes it's just a still small voice whispering deep in your heart. This past year God has been changing things in me and for me. I've felt for a while that I needed to give up photography. I almost walked away at the beginning of the year, but I just couldn't. My business picked up, and I was feeling much better about it. Then, a couple of months ago, my camera broke. I tried to walk away then, but I had wonderful folks offer to lend me their cameras, so I've been able to keep working. I just wasn't really taking anything more than a month or two in advance.
I've been praying for a new camera because I really love taking pictures. I love my clients. I've been with some of them for years. I love the new experiences of meeting new people and photographing new and different things (like 5Ks, fun runs, and galas). It has given me the opportunity to travel a few places, and see new things. However, my excitement has waned for a while. I felt like there was something more. Something new. Something different.
I've been struggling. In many areas of my life. Struggling financially, struggling emotionally, struggling physically. Yesterday (as I was praying about a certain situation), I prayed and journaled about my little conversation with God. Here is an excerpt:
I am emotionally and spiritually crushed today. I have been seeking my own way about life, and have continually been left feeling confused and wanting more. Today I was reminded of Jacob when he wrestled with God. I went back and read Genesis 32:22-32.
"22 That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
27 The man asked him, “What is your name?” “Jacob,” he answered. 28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,[a] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.” 29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.” But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there. 30 So Jacob called the place Peniel,[b] saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.” 31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel,[c] and he was limping because of his hip.32 Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob’s hip was touched near the tendon."
That's what I've been doing. Wrestling with God (though in a little different context). I've prayed for God's will in what is best for me, but wrestled for mine...what I thought I wanted and needed.
I put on Spotify, selected my Worship playlist, and set it to shuffle. I quickly prayed that God would give me just the songs I needed to tell me what I should do. As the first song came on, I sat there and sobbed. I love how God speaks to me in my language!!! How he uses music to teach me, heal me, and lovingly correct me.
The first five songs were like driving directions straight from God, the great Navigator, taking me through the process, showing me where I was going wrong, and pointing me back to where I needed to be.
1. It Shall Come to Pass- Hezekiah Walker (showed me that what God has promised me WILL come to pass...in His time, not mine. "Your destination is approaching." He knows where I'm going. I have to trust him.)
2. Running Back to You- Heather Headley (showed me my priorities weren't where they needed to be. "Take the next available u-turn!" He is first. Nothing else.)
3. Oh, How He loves Us- New Breed (Reminded me that He loves me completely. He knows what I need and wants me to have His very best, because He loves me that much.)
4. He is Here- The Talleys (He is right here with me, even in my living room. Even when I don't know what direction He's taking me, He's with me. It may be a route I've never taken before, but He knows what I need to do to take me where I need to go. Wherever I go, whatever I do, He is here.)
5. Closer/Wrap Me In Your Arms- William McDowell (I need to make sure I keep myself as close to him as possible. Only then will I be able to clearly hear His voice and direction. Even though I pray and seek him daily, I have to make sure nothing distracts me. Being too busy and preoccupied to just rest in Him can prevent me from hearing Him if I'm not careful. That always leads to missed turns and dead end roads.)
Yesterday I came to that fork in the road. I had an email for a photo job for next year. They wanted a quote. I gave her one, and went off to church. As I sat in church listening to our minister talk about Matters of the Heart, God began to whisper into my Spirit again. "I thought we were walking away from photography? Do I need to make myself any clearer? Trust me. I know where you're going. Let me give the directions. Follow them, and you will end up exactly where you're supposed to be."
Coming home and writing that email was very difficult. I declined the job before they even had a chance to accept my bid. Within minutes, I was declining another job for one of my favorite organizations. (I love being their official photographer!) I posted on my business fb page that I wasn't taking new jobs, and that was so heart-wrenching. Closing that door is painful! Photography isn't just something I do, it's part of who I am. However, if I want what God has for me, I have to be obedient. I have to trust my Navigator, and let Him lead the way.
Life is like that. God gives us so many choices about our lives. Sometimes His direction is very clear, and sometimes it's just a still small voice whispering deep in your heart. This past year God has been changing things in me and for me. I've felt for a while that I needed to give up photography. I almost walked away at the beginning of the year, but I just couldn't. My business picked up, and I was feeling much better about it. Then, a couple of months ago, my camera broke. I tried to walk away then, but I had wonderful folks offer to lend me their cameras, so I've been able to keep working. I just wasn't really taking anything more than a month or two in advance.
I've been praying for a new camera because I really love taking pictures. I love my clients. I've been with some of them for years. I love the new experiences of meeting new people and photographing new and different things (like 5Ks, fun runs, and galas). It has given me the opportunity to travel a few places, and see new things. However, my excitement has waned for a while. I felt like there was something more. Something new. Something different.
I've been struggling. In many areas of my life. Struggling financially, struggling emotionally, struggling physically. Yesterday (as I was praying about a certain situation), I prayed and journaled about my little conversation with God. Here is an excerpt:
I am emotionally and spiritually crushed today. I have been seeking my own way about life, and have continually been left feeling confused and wanting more. Today I was reminded of Jacob when he wrestled with God. I went back and read Genesis 32:22-32.
"22 That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.” But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
27 The man asked him, “What is your name?” “Jacob,” he answered. 28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,[a] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.” 29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.” But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there. 30 So Jacob called the place Peniel,[b] saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.” 31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel,[c] and he was limping because of his hip.32 Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob’s hip was touched near the tendon."
That's what I've been doing. Wrestling with God (though in a little different context). I've prayed for God's will in what is best for me, but wrestled for mine...what I thought I wanted and needed.
I put on Spotify, selected my Worship playlist, and set it to shuffle. I quickly prayed that God would give me just the songs I needed to tell me what I should do. As the first song came on, I sat there and sobbed. I love how God speaks to me in my language!!! How he uses music to teach me, heal me, and lovingly correct me.
The first five songs were like driving directions straight from God, the great Navigator, taking me through the process, showing me where I was going wrong, and pointing me back to where I needed to be.
1. It Shall Come to Pass- Hezekiah Walker (showed me that what God has promised me WILL come to pass...in His time, not mine. "Your destination is approaching." He knows where I'm going. I have to trust him.)
2. Running Back to You- Heather Headley (showed me my priorities weren't where they needed to be. "Take the next available u-turn!" He is first. Nothing else.)
3. Oh, How He loves Us- New Breed (Reminded me that He loves me completely. He knows what I need and wants me to have His very best, because He loves me that much.)
4. He is Here- The Talleys (He is right here with me, even in my living room. Even when I don't know what direction He's taking me, He's with me. It may be a route I've never taken before, but He knows what I need to do to take me where I need to go. Wherever I go, whatever I do, He is here.)
5. Closer/Wrap Me In Your Arms- William McDowell (I need to make sure I keep myself as close to him as possible. Only then will I be able to clearly hear His voice and direction. Even though I pray and seek him daily, I have to make sure nothing distracts me. Being too busy and preoccupied to just rest in Him can prevent me from hearing Him if I'm not careful. That always leads to missed turns and dead end roads.)
Yesterday I came to that fork in the road. I had an email for a photo job for next year. They wanted a quote. I gave her one, and went off to church. As I sat in church listening to our minister talk about Matters of the Heart, God began to whisper into my Spirit again. "I thought we were walking away from photography? Do I need to make myself any clearer? Trust me. I know where you're going. Let me give the directions. Follow them, and you will end up exactly where you're supposed to be."
Coming home and writing that email was very difficult. I declined the job before they even had a chance to accept my bid. Within minutes, I was declining another job for one of my favorite organizations. (I love being their official photographer!) I posted on my business fb page that I wasn't taking new jobs, and that was so heart-wrenching. Closing that door is painful! Photography isn't just something I do, it's part of who I am. However, if I want what God has for me, I have to be obedient. I have to trust my Navigator, and let Him lead the way.
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