My little ramblings on this present time.

Hey y'all. Hope everyone is doing okay today. My mind has been in a million places, so I thought I would hop on here and write a bit.

The times we are living in right now is unlike any other time in most of our lives. Covid-19 is our plague. It is mild in some, deadly in others, and so unknown. I am not on here to bash or try to convince you of anything. I am merely sharing my experience. Therefore, please no bashing me.

My first father-in-law, mother-in-law, and brother-in-law have all had Covid. So has other members of their family. Members of my church have had it. Friends have had it. Acquaintances have had it. For all I know, that could have been what I had when I was so sick back in Februrary. I know people who have only had mild symptoms, but others have been sick for weeks. Still others have passed away or are currently critically ill and only a miracle will save them. It is a terrible, sneaky disease.

In the midst of Covid, I also have dear friends dealing with cancer surgeries, chemo, radiation, etc. Covid makes it even scarier, because that weakened immune system just can't handle it. I, myself, had times of having to be admitted for crazy infections, even though when I was going through chemo I wore a mask and stayed in the hospital or at home. I cannot even image having to kill my immune system on purpose right now with this stuff everywhere. 

Then there is all the hatred being spread in the world right now. Hatred because of color. Hatred because of a badge. Hatred because of political preference. Hatred because of a mask. Friends become enemies all because they disagree. It is senseless and sad. I miss the times when it was okay to disagree, be unique, and have your own opinion. That is how it is supposed to be. The color you are, the badge you wear, who you support, and whether or not you wear a mask has absolutely nothing to do with the state of your heart. However, the state of your heart certainly tells a lot about the kind of person you are.

Luke 6:45 says, "A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." Hatred is evil, whether you like it or not. And honestly, only God can release you of hatred. I know that first hand. Pastor J. D. Quinn (our youth pastor at New Vision Church of God) gave a great message yesterday. He talked about how now, especially, we need to try and stay connected to God and not dwell in that place of complacency. This resonated with me, because it is exactly what God has been dealing with me about. 

I find it easy to just disconnect from everyone and everything. Years of being homebound or stuck in a hospital bed by myself, being a stay-at-home mom, and dealing with decreasing mobility have caused be to sort of have to be okay with being mostly alone. I do not mind it. I love being home with Natalie. I like not having to go anywhere. In the past I hated it, but now it brings me comfort and security. I like to disconnect, and I didn't even realize how much it has affected me.

I, too, have saved the online church messages for later. Then, I never got around to watching them all. I rarely listen to worship music. I do not sing anymore. My voice falters, whether from nerve damage or lack of use, I don't know. I've become complacent in my relationship with God. It wasn't a quick thing. It takes time to build a relationship, and it takes time for it to wane. I still pray. We have conversations all the time. I know my heart is right with Him. However, it is still import to be immersed in His word and spend time praising him for whatever is going on in life. I need to do better. Knowing is the first step, right?  

There's a quote that has been my mantra, of sorts, since I was a child. I have clung to it through every rough patch, every mountain, every valley that my life has traveled. It has always been a source of encouragement, and hopefully it will be to you as well. It was penned by Holocaust survivor and author, Corrie Ten Boom. Her testimony is such an inspiration to so many. "Every experience God give us, every person He puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future only He can see."

Embrace these times as an opportunity to change, to grow, to lean into God and let Him teach you. Use this opportunity to encourage others. Pray for your friends and those you do not know. Support your leaders, even if you do not agree with them. Be kind to everyone. Take care of yourself and do what's best for you and your family. Trust God and spend time with Him. This is all preparation for a time that is yet to come. How you react now lays the foundation for your future. I know it lays mine. That being said, it is time to go back to building on that firm foundation that my Savior laid when He died on the cross for me. For the first time in a very long time I am excited to see what my future holds: the future God has and sees for me.

God bless you all! Good night.